Care don’t cure

It is said that the two things humans seek from others is to be accepted and understood.  Validation can help us feel both.

Validation is the act of saying “I see you and accept you, just as you are.  I may not agree with you, but neither do I expect you to agree with me. I recognise you have your experiences, your opinions, your wants and needs, and that is fine with me.”

As a leader, your ability to validate will make or break the relationship you have with your team members and thus career success.

The communication skills of feedback, paraphrasing, testing etc are all useful, but if you want your people to build more self assurance, the place to start is with your mindset:

  1. Intention: Your goal is to help the talker feel calmer and if possible uncover the pain they are trying to ease.
  2. 100% focus: Put everything out of your mind, other than the person who is chatting to you.
  3. Restrain: Don’t judge. Don’t solve. Don’t set the pace.

When we complain, blame, and nitpick we seeking to  have our feelings noticed.  Given we navigate the world through our feelings, if we don’t feel heard our navigation becomes warped and our ability to perform at our best is skewed.

So next time someone comes to you to vent or nitpick or complain, or otherwise chats in a way that shows disturbance, turn your thoughts away from yourself, and open your heart to them.  Your role as a leader is not to solve or judge them to perfection, your role is to care them into becoming their best selves.

 

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Some earlier posts:
–> Everything is normal
–> The silver platter for your use
–> Growing prosperity – Three questions
–> Increasing productivity and creativity

Jennifer is a business and executive coach who helps leaders use the wisdom of their heart to turn their strategies into remarkable results. Call her to discuss your needs +61 439 520 182.